i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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