I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
