Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
