theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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