When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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