So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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