After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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