just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
