Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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