happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
