he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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