I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
