what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
