the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We got so high we made milksteak
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
