This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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