The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
