Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
