I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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