were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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