I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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