I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
