Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
