I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
