i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
