with your own penis?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
