NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
