Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.

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(917): View more from New York City

My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels

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(210): View more from Texas

i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.

(732): View more from New Jersey

GO. DO.

(732): View more from New Jersey

I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.

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