I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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