gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
