my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can text with my tongue
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize