I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We named our party play list daddy issues
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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