I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
