so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
