So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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