Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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