I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
