I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
its liver damage thursday
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
