I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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