Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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