just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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