I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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