you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
