You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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