she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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