The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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