you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
