Nicole vs. Life
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
