And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
