So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
