There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
