Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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