The maid of honor just puked.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
