Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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