never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
