i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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