watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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