he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
