ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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