I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
