I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
