it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
