Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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