the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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