Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
