Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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