We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
