Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
