sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
