God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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