I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
