Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
