My sheets look like a crime scene.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
