I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
