She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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