Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
