Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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