When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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