My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
