Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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