u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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