So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize