May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize