I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just cropdusted the office
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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