I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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