thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize