why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
