Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
