Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
