I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
